i don't like sucking hair
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Randomize
