A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
