someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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