We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
