I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
