THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
