My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
