Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
