I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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