hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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