My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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