...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
