I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
