saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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