so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
