Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
