This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
