I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
