I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
