I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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