I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
