she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
