Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
