i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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