My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I just put wine in my tea
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
