If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
handjob tips. give me some.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
