Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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