Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
