she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize