I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
