I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
