Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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