shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
