I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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