Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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