Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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