Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
