I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
