OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
