You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize