Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
