to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
