so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize