Only a mothe r could love this liver
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
