i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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