Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
