omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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