I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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