So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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