Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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