I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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