Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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