I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
