i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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