I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
