his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
