you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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