so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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