There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
