I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
