I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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