Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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