STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
