but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
